Just say YES!

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm fiercely independent. Before I became a mom I would probably have spent hours at the bottom of a hole before admitting I needed to call for help. I've always been all about doing everything myself and never asking for help. Pregnancy and motherhood have changed me.

I learned my lesson the hard way back when I was 7 months pregnant with C. In an effort to keep the house a little tidy I leaned forward to pick up a t-shirt that was lying on the floor. I never made it back up. My back completely gave out and I had to crawl to the phone. I was originally just going to call work to say I wasn't coming in, but I quickly realized that I needed someone to come rescue me. It wasn't a pretty sight; fat pregnant woman, flat on her back on the floor in the kitchen, cat screaming to be fed... To be honest, if I hadn't been so hungry I would probably just have waited for M to come home at lunchtime, but a pregnant woman has to eat and I didn't think I could wait four hours.

I called a close friend and she rushed to my rescue. I asked for help and the sky didn't come crumbling down. Even more importantly, she didn't think any less of me. I actually think that she would have thought I was an idiot for not calling for help. As she helped me onto the couch I realized that it was no longer just about me being the tough chick. I had another person relying on me, and even though she wasn't born yet she needed me to be a grown-up and be brave enough to admit when I needed help.

Today I have no qualms about asking for help, or just saying yes when people offer it of their own free will. I've learned that most people won't offer assistance if they don't want to help. I've also learned that every little bit can make or break a day. Having someone spend ten minutes playing Legos with your toddler can give you a much needed break. Letting a friend bring you dinner means that you can spend a little more time bonding with your baby. And asking someone to help you get off the kitchen floor and onto the couch can mean the world when your back is so out of whack that you can't do it by yourself.

So next time you find yourself in a bind and someone kindly offers assistance, just say yes. It doesn't prove that you are weak, it just shows that you are smart, and you'll be amazed at the difference it can make.

Surrender

In a meeting at work today we discussed what it takes to really immerse oneself in a moment. What can you do to really experience something so intently that it almost takes on the appearance of a religious moment? (I work with religious types, many of our meetings center on deep philosophical topics. I know, it's weird.)
We've all, at some point or another, had a day, an hour, or even five minutes where everything seemed perfect. Where the harmony of the moment seemed momentous. The stars align, the world stands still and perfection is attained. The fact that it never lasts is part of the magic.
The focus of the meeting changed and then, at long last, ended, but I didn't stop thinking about this elusive perfection that we had discussed. I pondered what it would take to feel that way more often, to reach that state more than once in a blue moon.
In the end I realized that all it would take is a little more surrender and a little less control. When I look back at some of those harmonious moments flickering here and there in my past, their common denominator is not the person I was with or the place I was standing, it's my frame of mind. I've only reached that state of perfection when I've been willing to surrender and let the moment take me where it wants to go.
If we are too often on our guard, too often double checking and second guessing, then we are too busy watching our lives to really be in the moment. It's my biggest flaw. I am so terrified of loosing control, even for a minute, that I never let go. I am always three moves ahead of the game, anticipating every little thing that could happen. Enough! I want to experience more perfect harmonious moments, I want to live my life rather than observe it from a safe distance. It's time to surrender and spend more time in the moment and less in the future.
Who's with me?

The "No Self Disparagement Zone"

The fun here, it never ends! Sometimes there will be answers to questions, and sometimes it'll just be me telling you what I think, just because. Aren't you lucky? When you are all tired of hearing me just talk to myself, please ask me something, I'll be more than happy to help. Really!
In the meantime, onto the topic of the day...
How many of us stand in front of the mirror in the morning and groan? "I hate my hair." "My nose is so big." "Look at that zit!" Any of that sound familiar? You get in the shower and you are already depressed about how you look. By the time you are dressed you feel pretty crummy about yourself and it shows in everything you do throughout the day.
Years ago I met a woman who was handing out doorknob hangers inscribed with the words "No Self Disparagement Zone" in bold red letters. I loved the idea. It was so novel! A room, in the house, where I couldn't say anything bad about myself! Brilliant! I never actually hung the thing on my bathroom door, but every morning I can picture it swinging there, reminding me to be nice to myself.
For a few months it was slow going. I had to stop myself mid-thought, but after a while the nice comments came more easily and I found more and more things I liked about myself. It's done wonders for my self confidence.
Your homework for the weekend is simple. Go out there and like yourself! No, seriously! For every negative thought you have about your body or your appearance I want you to think of three nice things to say to yourself. If you can't think of three separate things, just repeat the same one three times, but make it convincing! I guarantee it'll make you feel better about yourself.