Unwanted advances

This question came to me via email this weekend:
I am thirty five, very happily married mother of three
young children. I have a nephew of eighteen and we
have an excellent relationship. However, quite recently
one of  my nephew's friends (20 years old), whom I also
treat with the same kind of camaraderie as my nephew,
has developed a bit of a crush on me. It is not overt,
but he has sent me romantic texts etc.  I have not
responded to these because frankly I don't know what
to say.
 
I like the lad, and do not wish to snub, shun or
otherwise hurt him. But equally this state of affairs
cannot continue. I am aware that this kind of thing
happens...though I'm no looker so  I never thought it
would happen to me! So I need to handle this wisely
and well and would appreciate your input.

Thanks
S.

Dear S,
I'm sorry that you are dealing with such a delicate
issue. As flattering as itmust be to have a young man
show you such attention, it must also be very stressful.
If I place myself in his shoes I can remember how amazing
it felt to be in "love" the first time. Everything about
the object of my affection was perfect, and I lived for a
stray smile or look.

Keeping that in mind, all I can do is suggest that you be
very direct and clear with him. It won't hurt at all to
let him know how flattered you are by his attentions,
but don't be wishy-washy at all about how you really
feel about him. It's not a question of letting him
down easy, or even snubbing him, just about being as
clear and direct as possible. You don't need to give
excuses or apologies, you just need to put an end to
his advances. As long as you keep your comments simple
and clear then he shouldn't be offended.

Next time you see him ask to speak to him alone. Explain
that you are happily married and that you have no
intentionof getting involved with anyone other than your
husband. You can tell him that you enjoy his company, but
just as one of your nephew's friends. But whatever  you do,
don't say anything like "it's not you, it's me" or "at
another time or another place..." It would just serve to
give him false hope, something you definitely don't want
to spark.

So in conclusion, be as clear and as direct as possible
and everything should go smoothly.
Good luck!

Does anyone had a similar experience that S could benefit
from hearing about?

Nice Guys vs. Weak Guys

He calls you when he says he will. He listens when you need to talk. He comes with you to meet your parents. He goes out with you and your friends. He's nice to you, even when you don't deserve it. He's one of them, one of the nice guys, and that scares you.
You always imagined yourself with a macho man. A tough guy who would hold you tight in one arm while fighting off the world with the other. He wouldn't take any shit from you or any one. We all fantasize about this strong burly man, but at the end of the day who really wants to spend their life with someone who thinks with his fists rather than his heart?
Many of us have a problem; we equate kindness with weakness, but we're wrong to do so. In my experience nice guys are actually the strongest ones out there. They are the ones who have the strength of their convictions, the ones who know which battles are worth fighting, and which ones aren't. We grow up believing that men who don't consistently stand up for themselves are weak, but it's just not true. A man who has a few deep seated convictions and will do anything to defend and uphold them is much stronger than a man who sees any confrontation as a good excuse for a fight. The fighter isn't really defending you, he's just showing off some muscle. Like a big dog with a loud bark the show has no value.
Your nice guy doesn't like to ruffle feathers. He'd rather back down in the face of a confrontation, using kindness and jokes to diffuse the situation. You think that shows a lack of backbone, but think about it, is he really accomplishing less than the toughie? And when things don't go his way, is he going to pout and stew all night, or is he going to get over it and find a different way to deal with the situation? Right, he'll get over it, and most of the time the solution will be just as good. Have you ever seen a nice guy get really mad about something? People stop and listen, if it's worthwhile enough for him to get worked up about, it's probably time to pay attention. Nice guys aren't full of hot air, nor are they deflated balloons, they just know to save their energy for times when it's really needed.
Not leaving a wake of pissed off customer service people behind you is just one benefit of dating, or even marrying, a nice guy. Nice guys know how to treat a girl well. They know when to shut up and hold you while you cry. They know when you want to just cuddle. And they have no problem just relaxing and being with you without having to be all macho about it.
Help me spread the word; not only are nice guys not weak guys, but they are the greatest catch of all.