Monday, June 11, 2007

Unwanted advances

This question came to me via email this weekend:
I am thirty five, very happily married mother of three
young children.
I have a nephew of eighteen and we
have an excellent relationship.
However, quite recently
one of my nephew's friends (20 years old),
whom I also
treat with the same kind of camaraderie as my nephew,
developed a bit of a crush on me. It is not overt,
but he has sent me
romantic texts etc. I have not
responded to these because frankly I
don't know what
to say.

I like the lad, and do not wish to snub, shun or
otherwise hurt him.
But equally this state of affairs
cannot continue. I am aware that this
kind of thing
happens...though I'm no looker so I never thought it
happen to me! So I need to handle this wisely
and well and would
appreciate your input.


Dear S,
I'm sorry that you are dealing with such a delicate
issue. As flattering as itmust be to have a young man
show you such attention, it must also be very stressful.
If I place myself in his shoes I can remember how amazing
it felt to be in "love" the first time. Everything about
the object of my affection was perfect, and I lived for a
stray smile or look.

Keeping that in mind, all I can do is suggest that you be
very direct and clear with him. It won't hurt at all to
let him know how flattered you are by his attentions,
but don't be wishy-washy at all about how you really
feel about him. It's not a question of letting him
down easy, or even snubbing him, just about being as
clear and direct as possible. You don't need to give
excuses or apologies, you just need to put an end to
his advances. As long as you keep your comments simple
and clear then he shouldn't be offended.

Next time you see him ask to speak to him alone. Explain
that you are happily married and that you have no
intentionof getting involved with anyone other than your
husband. You can tell him that you enjoy his company, but
just as one of your nephew's friends. But whatever you do,
don't say anything like "it's not you, it's me" or "at
another time or another place..." It would just serve to
give him false hope, something you definitely don't want
to spark.

So in conclusion, be as clear and as direct as possible
and everything should go smoothly.
Good luck!

Does anyone had a similar experience that S could benefit
from hearing about?

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