He calls you when he says he will. He listens when you need to talk. He comes with you to meet your parents. He goes out with you and your friends. He's nice to you, even when you don't deserve it. He's one of them, one of the nice guys, and that scares you.
You always imagined yourself with a macho man. A tough guy who would hold you tight in one arm while fighting off the world with the other. He wouldn't take any shit from you or any one. We all fantasize about this strong burly man, but at the end of the day who really wants to spend their life with someone who thinks with his fists rather than his heart?
Many of us have a problem; we equate kindness with weakness, but we're wrong to do so. In my experience nice guys are actually the strongest ones out there. They are the ones who have the strength of their convictions, the ones who know which battles are worth fighting, and which ones aren't. We grow up believing that men who don't consistently stand up for themselves are weak, but it's just not true. A man who has a few deep seated convictions and will do anything to defend and uphold them is much stronger than a man who sees any confrontation as a good excuse for a fight. The fighter isn't really defending you, he's just showing off some muscle. Like a big dog with a loud bark the show has no value.
Your nice guy doesn't like to ruffle feathers. He'd rather back down in the face of a confrontation, using kindness and jokes to diffuse the situation. You think that shows a lack of backbone, but think about it, is he really accomplishing less than the toughie? And when things don't go his way, is he going to pout and stew all night, or is he going to get over it and find a different way to deal with the situation? Right, he'll get over it, and most of the time the solution will be just as good. Have you ever seen a nice guy get really mad about something? People stop and listen, if it's worthwhile enough for him to get worked up about, it's probably time to pay attention. Nice guys aren't full of hot air, nor are they deflated balloons, they just know to save their energy for times when it's really needed.
Not leaving a wake of pissed off customer service people behind you is just one benefit of dating, or even marrying, a nice guy. Nice guys know how to treat a girl well. They know when to shut up and hold you while you cry. They know when you want to just cuddle. And they have no problem just relaxing and being with you without having to be all macho about it.
Help me spread the word; not only are nice guys not weak guys, but they are the greatest catch of all.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
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